Friday, January 25, 2008

follow up on "a time to mourn"

updates:
Heath Ledger: call me an absolute sap, but what I will miss the most about Heath Ledger is his adorable smile. It was one of those where you just can't help but smile too. Investigations are pointing more towards his death being accidental, which is not surprising, considering that some of the prescriptions given him carry a side effect of breathing issues that can be dangerous when you fall asleep. He may very well have gone to sleep and never woken up. Sad...

my arm: went to the doctor on weds, he didn't say a word about physical therapy, praise Jesus! I was thrilled. He wants me to still wear the sling sometimes for another two weeks, so that'll be when i'm around my room and such. walking around to classes etc is dificil with only one usable arm. Speaking of classes...

school: classes resume monday, it will be good to be back. I'm looking forward to almost all my classes, and not particularly dreading any of them. Now I just need my books to arrive.

politics: Thompson and Kucinich have dropped out, narrowing the field on both sides. The democrats are spouting "change" without any real plan to make it happen and the republicans can't find one candidate who embodies all their values. I love politics...(sarcasm but in truth I really do love politics)

my life: I really do like my life. It has its ups and downs and frustrations which havn't been solved but I really do have a great life. God is good.

peace y'all

P.S. Common Sense Life Lesson #2 for the week: driving 48 mph past a speed camera in a 35 mph zone will cost you $40 in these parts of town. I learned this from my parents today :)

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

A time to mourn

Well today (or yesterday by this time) was a sad day. It was the 35th anniversary of the Supreme Court's decision in the Roe vs. Wade case to allow the deaths of millions of unborn children. Since January 22, 1973, 48 million unborn babies have been aborted, their lives casually tossed aside and ended with hardly a second thought. This my friends is murder. No matter your political position, this is beyond politics. Abortion is murder. Life begins at conception. As much as Ron Paul may be a nut job, I think he summed it up well when addressing the pro-life rally today in Washington D.C. "When I was in medical school, I was taught that when I am treating a pregnant woman, I am dealing with two lives, that of the mother and her child." Women are being lied to everyday, and being told that abortion is their best option when in reality it's not. Today in America, the notion of slavery is unthinkable. 150 years ago, it was the hot button issue in the political world. I pray that it does not take 100 years to overturn this genocide that is a blot on our nation today. I pray that America's leaders would have courage to stand up and fight for justice for those who cannot speak for themselves. I pray that each and every state in the United States of America would not only continue to uphold partial birth abortion laws, but completely outlaw any and all forms of this genocide that has infected our nation. When I get taxes taken out of my paycheck, it makes me sick to think that some of those taxes are going to support organizations like Planned Parenthood. We need to stand up and educate the world. A fetus is not just a blob of tissue, or an undefinable mass of cells. It is a living human being from the moment it is conceived. We as a younger generation need to stand up and take responsibility. We need to stop letting the feminists and morally liberal activists tell a woman that she has the "right" to discard another human life. Like slavery today, abortion should be unthinkable, beyond a political debate. It is murder. Since 1973, 48 million children have been denied their constitutional right to Life. We make such a big deal over what, if any, constitutional benefits should be allowed to illegal immigrants, while everyday thousands of children don't even have a chance to take their first constitutionally protected breath. It sickens me that a country which prides itself on equality and justice everyday denies life to thousands of potential citizens, simply because they are an inconvenience to someone. I'll be damned if I let this continue without a fight. Today in our nation's captial, 400,000 people from around the continental US came to rally, walk, chant, and sing, and show the world that we're not giving up until something is done to reverse this awful tradgedy.

On the evening news, the pro-life rally and march got a total of maybe 15 seconds mention. The death of actor Heath Ledger got a full 3 minutes. Now I am mourning this loss as much as any other female age 14-30 around the world. However, it says something about our nation's priorities when the death of a superstar gets featured all over the cable tv and a rally for the lives of the innocent is touched on as an obligatory side note. God have mercy on our nation.

Now if you all will excuse me, I need to go download (yay ruckus) A Knight's Tale, 10 Things I Hate About You, The Patriot, possibly Brokeback Mountain (not sure I can stomach that one, but I may try) and sit and wait for this summer's premiere of the new batman movie. I think Heath Ledger's untimely death further proves that celebrities should not be allowed to have pills unless they are administered in the proper dosage by a doctor. *Sigh* of all people to die, why Heath Ledger? Why so young? What a waste of talent, potential, and good looks. Hollywood will not be the same without him.

In closing, I'm still praying for patience, and an attention span. I need to get back to school so I have something on which to foucus my mind. The elbow area has healed quite nicely so far, I have at least 90% of my total range of motion back just since last monday and it gets better every day, praise God. I go to the doctor tomorrow, hopefully he'll have good news for me.

Peace y'all

P. S. Common Sense Life Lesson for the week: running on icy 5 day old snow in shoes with no traction is a recipe for disaster, or at least a good bruise.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

winter break and other such stories

contemplations on patience...
I love irony. I love finding it in everyday life, and observing it in others' lives. It's one of my simple amusements. Recently I came across a rather glaring point of irony in my own life, though not so amusing. It had to do with patience, my constant preaching thereon, and my general lack thereof. I often find myself telling my friends to "just be patient", or what my best friend usually hears, "patience is a virtue". Yet I have discovered that despite my own frustrations with the general impatience of the "I want it now" generation, I myself often succumb to the same impatience. Now I'm generally not your openly rebellious type. I prefer to find subtler, more creative ways to flout the system. (note: the term "sparkling water" can be applied to a variety of clear liquids generally prohibited in the high school hallways) However, I also happen to have a very independent streak about me. Granted I'm not afraid to ask for help if I really need it, but I'll do my damndest to accomplish it on my own before I even consider asking for help. Recently, my physical independence has been challenged with the onset of a dislocated elbow. Being confined to a splint and sling for three days nearly drove me crazy, as did having to get help with basic tasks like cutting food, washing my hair, and any buttons that came above my stomach. God, when I asked for help with patience, this wasn't exactly what I had in mind. On the plus side, I progressed rather well in learning to type with one hand. Today was my first full day without the splint, although I am still supposed to keep my arm in the sling for most of the day and exercise it within the sling. I am exceedingly grateful that so far, it has healed very well and I have about 70% of my range of motion back. Now, if I obey the doctor, and keep it in the sling for the next two weeks (blah) I will greatly decrease my likelihood of needing physical therapy. Needless to say, PT is time consuming and expensive, I have no way to get there (unless I want to take a public bus through the inner city around school...not so much) and my parents and I are not the least bit interested in fighting with the insurance company. Back to my original point: I'm still confined to the sling, and even if I'm being bad and taking it out of the sling, I still don't have all my range of motion back. I am still confronted with those uncomfortable, oft painful moments of "ohhhhh wow my arm does not bend that way just yet". So I'm once again forced to be patient. God works in mysterious ways...

Another exercise in patience is people.
  • The people at work, who show up five minutes before their scheduled time slot, order non precooked food, and then get upset because you are not filling their order fast enough. Why don't you bloody well try showing up before your time slot, or if you really insist on showing up at the last minute, don't order food that takes 10 minutes to cook and then act like we're at fault for not being quick enough to fill your order or print your ticket.
  • The part time employee who decides that they are the special exception to the "you close, you clean and restock" rule. Which then doubles my work because little miss sunshine decided to go home early and skip the last few chores at work. A pox upon you!
  • Friends who don't act like friends, and seem to think that they can go on about their merry lives without a care while you sit around wondering what the hell is going on. Meanwhile you're left to stew, torn between a) wanting to hunt them down and elaborate quite fiercely on just what you think of their behaviour, b) sitting around hoping and praying it's just a phase, and it will all work itself out in time, or c) throwing your hands up and saying "to devil with you" and walking away, shaking the dirt from your shoes as you do. granted those who started that trend had more justification for it than I do, but it was for similar reasons.
Question: (which bear is better?) Why is it that none of the above options seem to work for me? Answer: (not black bears) becuase a) will only make matters worse, b) seems to be unfair in the sense that the opposing party is therefore stripped of any accountability, and I'm slowly stripped of my patience, and c) is just plain impossible for me to do. I can't walk away from someone who was once and hopefully still is a good friend. That's another one of my problems, I care about people too much. Some would argue that this is a good quality, but it often leads to frustration. Although option a) is very tempting, I know it won't help anything, but a twist on it may: polite confrontation. There comes a time when even I have to establish that I'm done being nice, and done sitting idly by hoping things will work themselves out. Time for me to say "let's talk about this, and establish what friendship means".

Contemplations on varying emotional responses: I've often discovered that frustration and anger, when directed at people, are often a result and/or a cover for hurt. We get angry and frustrated with people when they fail to meet our expectations. The more justified we feel these expectations are, the stronger our frustrations and anger tend to grow. If we're fortunate, we have a healthy outlet for this frustration and anger (mine is writing, can you tell?) and it dissipates, if only temporarily. What remains after you finish venting to your teddybear, or your journal, or your best friend, or the air? Heartache, to some degree. The pain of knowing someone you care about has let you down. Most of the time, getting hurt is a choice. If you let someone hurt you, that then gives them the upper hand. Everytime you care about someone, and let them be a part of your life, you take the chance that they will hurt you, because we are all human, and ultimately fail each other at some point or another. Yet it's no use trying to live your life keeping everyone at a safe distance. Trust me, I've tried it. Face it: we need others in our lives, even if it's only a select few. Getting hurt is a part of life, because we live in a fallen world. I have a friend who laugh and point out my cynicism here, but it's reality. So what then? Live with the ever repeating cycle of hurt-frustration-anger-venting-hurt? For many people, yes. As for me, I've learned that this is not healthy or productive. As difficult as it may seem, the best option is to forgive and move on. Clear the air, if at all possible, and resolve any misunderstandings. Forgiveness is not easy. Forgiveness does not mean it hurts any less. Forgiveness does not mean everything is all of the sudden forgotten. Forgiveness means moving beyond the frustration and anger, not going through life staying mad at someone. The hurt may lessen with time, or it may always be there. Ultimately the choice is ours: to use energy and thoughts holding on to anger and frustration, or to let go, and move on. As for me, I've found that there's much more peace in my life when I choose to ask God to help me forgive.

After all that deep, pyschological, emotional crap, I'll wrap up with a movie recommendation.
"Music and Lyrics" : Hugh Grant, Drew Barrymore. Chick Flick. Romantic Comedy. Predictable, but not boring. Entertaining. Cute. Moral of the story: all teenage girls are romantics at heart, even if they are sex-obsessed, philosophically confused pop stars.

In closing: Don't stop believing, there's always something more :)
peace y'all...

P.S. Common Sense Life Lesson for the week: make sure your hands are thoroughly cleansed of powdered cleaning chemicals before attempting to lick the soup off your fingers.

Monday, January 7, 2008

it's one of those days...

Disclaimer...this post is gonna be me bitching about the crap in my life. If you don't want to read a downer post, don't read this.
So I just found out my best friend and I don't have aligning spring breaks. which sucks bigtime. why? because number one our schools are a thousand miles apart as it is. number two, her family is moving 5 states away from our hometown come summer. Neither of us is too excited about the prospect of not seeing each other until after school lets out. That's four and a half months from now and we've never been apart that long. Not cool. Now I get to totally reconfigure my plans for spring break. Damnit.
The weather outside is gorgeous and feels more like may than January. I should be enjoying it, but all I can think about is how its not helping any of the nearby ski venues make snow. I want to go skiing and I want snow! It's the middle of freaking January! arrrggh. Well maybe the freakish weather will bring more people to work so I can have something to do instead of getting paid to stand around and do absolutely nothing.
I don't go back to school for another three weeks but I'm already bored being home. Yes I love my family and the relaxing pace of being home and having my own room and bathroom. Unfourtunately, my siblings are back in school, my dad is back to work and my mom has resumed her daily schedule. So that leaves me to beg my friends to get me out of the house on the days I'm not working. Thank God for work otherwise I'd probably go stir crazy.
As I write this I'm laying on my wonderful queen sized bed listening to country radio. Even country music is grating on me somewhat, due to my rather pissy mood. Sadness...country is my favourite.
On a brighter note...I had the oppourtunity to see Trans Siberian Orchestra in concert last night. I love seeing them live, their shows are always spectacular. This one was definitely worth the money, which wasn't overly expensive considering the quality seating position I managed to obtain. Another plus in my trying-not-to-waste-a-good-day-bitching life is that I obtained clearance for a dance class next semester that I had really been hoping to get. Clearance also obtained with very little redtape, unusual for my school.
Well I'm going to go try and make the best of what remains of my day by indulging in some comfort food and seeing if I can't get out of the house tonite. Maybe I'll even go read a book in the sunshine and escape to someone else's world and problems. Peace y'all...

P.S. Common sense life lesson for the week: don't put your belongings on the floor at a concert when the people surrounding you are eagerly consuming cheap beer. French Designer purse+cheap beer+dirty arena floor=not good! *Sigh*