so close, so far

One exam left!! Almost doneeeee :) So So close to being done, but still so far from being home...I wanted to go home after my exam tomorrow but I haven't even begun to pack yet soooo thus I have to stay one more night. It won't kill me, but I'm really looking forward to being home. This is where having a car would come in handy...O well. Next semester hopefully.

I can't believe how fast this semester went by. This year even. I heard a song on the radio yesterday that I recall listening to while packing for winter break this time last year...this winter looks to be quite different, which is good. I have a license and a car so I have more freedom to come and go. I'll be returning the favors to friends who drove me around I'm sure, as well as taking munchkin here there and everywhere. I also don't plan to be injuring myself, but then again, those types of things are never really planned. I'm thinking I'll avoid the ice rink...sigh. That reminds me of the one bad thing different about this winter. Jennifer won't be here :(. Boo. I'm going to see her tho! yay!!! supposed to be flying, but Steph is saying she wants to take a road trip. I told her about my plans, and she said she's free around that time soooo a road trip would most def be cheaper then flying. I wonder if I cancel my flight if I can get it refunded? It would be a nice bandage for my bank account that's for sure. Which reminds me, I need to call tomorrow and see if I can grab some hours at Blue Mash over break. ARgggghh that was one aspect of this winter I wasn't planning on, but alas I am in desperate need of moneys. This winter will also be free from the emotional drama that plagued me last winter, thank you God. I'll also hopefully be going skiing and taking a winter class here at UMBC.

I should really be sleeping now, seeing as I only slept from 530-730 yesterday and then from 1030--1330. not really that good for me, though im sure sleeping for 8-12 hours all the 5 nights before that is why I'm not totally exhausted. Alas there are so many other things I am doing, eg writing here, talking to people on aim, and i'm sure I'll end up on some sort of game site eventually.

Rant time...why is it that I am so unable to find a decent guy? My standards aren't really that high. It seems like my ideal guy is a combination of all my guy friends. While it's definitely easier being single and free, and having guys as friends, at the same time there is always that desire for someone who is something more. That special someone. I know I'll eventually find the right one, or at least someone to get me started in the relationship world. My luck with guys has been almost nil since college. Oh well. I'm thinking it's time to be Miss Independent again like I was in high school, and then someone will come along and care enough to work through all my issues when I least expect it.

Okay brain is shutting down...9 days till Christmas including today weeee!!

peace y'all.

P.S. Common Sense Life Lesson for the week: don't wait until 10pm the night before an 8am exam to start studying (something I re-learn every semester)

It's the holiday season...

I love Thanksgiving. I really do. It means a break from school, time with the family, lots and lots of food, and many memories. It also kicks off the "Holiday season" which, being the Christmas commercialism sucker that I am, makes me very happy. For example, I'm now laying on my bed listening to Christmas music, pondering when it's going to snow again. It actually has already snowed TWICE this month...both times last week. It made me very happy, despite being sick as crap on Friday, to look out my window and see white fluffy stuff falling from the sky. Earlier in the week, on Tuesday, my friend Maya and I went outside when it was snowing and danced around like idiots. Fun times :)

So as previously mentioned, I was sick last week. It set in on wednesday/thursday and is still going. I'm getting better though. Friday through Sunday sucked majorly. That was the worst of the sick period, and I spent most of the weekend just trying to sleep and drink fluids. Today and yesterday have been better. Just abusing my nose with tissues and controlling a cough with oh so yummy Robitussin. ::sniffles:: The weekend did have it's good points. Saturday night was the highlight, being as it was my friend Dan's 21st birthday party. Lukie came up to chill with me and hang out at the party. That was tons of fun on so many levels. I can't wait to see all the crazy pictures we took. Fuuuun times :D

Currently waiting on the laundry to finish drying so I can finish packing for a trip to see my cousins and my uncle down in North Carolina. Sadly, we haven't seen them since this time last year, and they only live 5ish hours away. When I'm allowed to have the car for long distance driving (i.e. this summer) I'm really going to try and make it a point to visit my extended family more often. After all, who doesn't like road trips? I know I like them much.

Not a whole lot else going on right now, but when I get back to school, I will commence studying my friggin butt off for finals...joy. Library lockdown! Not to mention catching up on all my backwork for Spanish.

That's all for now folks. Yay for Christmas music!

Peace y'all.

P.S. Common Sense Life Lesson for the week: When your phone is in your pants pocket, and said pants are on the floor, be careful when picking them up to point the pocket away from the toilet. Otherwise, said phone ends up in said toilet. Or in my case, landing in the toilet just as it's flushing. Gotta love life.

O hey, I have a blog!

So I haven't written/vented in a while. Let's see what's happened since then...

July: Went to the beach in North Carolina with the fam, got to see the grandparents, and got to chill out.
Also went up to NY for a few days, got to see my "adopted" families up there and hang out with my girlies

August: worked 5 days a week for the first two weeks, then the second two was 6 days. Got some lovely paychecks out of that, and a have a kickin' recommendation waiting for me when I need it because I did pretty much everything there was to do there except pay the bills. Combine me doing everything with being respectful and honest (three of my coworkers got fired for skimming money...idiots) and being personable, they love me. My manager is practically begging me to work over winter break. I say this not to brag, but simply to show that it's really not that hard to please those in authority over us. To God be the glory. :)
Jennifer left in August :( I'm reallly hoping to go see her in Florida over winter break otherwise I don't see her until summer...
School started last week in August. The new freshies are (for the most part) soo cute! My class was definitely not that cute. First day of classes was Daddy's birthday :)

September: not much to speak of. School stuff, making new friends, catching up with friends from last year, all the first month of school fun stuff. Mom and Little sister's birthdays...Little sister is 14 now...growing up too fast :/

October: Grammy went home to be with Jesus Oct 2 :'(. Sad but I know she's dancing with the angels. God must have needed a little more joy up there in heaven :}

So far October has been up and down, just trying to keep up with everything. School is stressing me out but that's kinda life in college, right? One of my friends got robbed at gunpoint the other night...methinks I'll stop walking around at night by myself so much.

That reminds me (don't ask why, it just does) I need to get my hands on the rest of the books in Stephanie Meyer's Twilight series....OMG SO GOOD! Little sis had me read the first one and I was instantly addicted. Not that I have time to read for pleasure, since 3 of my classes are all reading all the time, but still. WANT!

I've also been introduced to some new music: Crazy Loop, Shake It, and White Tie Affair.

Upcoming events: License test #2 this saturday, Intervarsity Fall Conference at Summit Lake next weekend (YAY!!), Monsterbash 10/30 at Bedrock (woohoo!) which means i need to find time (as if there is such a thing) to go shopping and get my costume

Oye so little time so much to do....Now off to study for a history midterm.

Peace y'all!

P.S. Common Sense Life Lesson for the week: Don't let your little cousin climb all over you in dress clothes (Oh c'mon those stockings cost like $5 and she was too cute to resist)

nineteen :)

I'm nineteen!!! yay!!! Thank you Jesus for 19 years of grace and mercy on my life.
p.s. common sense life lesson for the week: when going to the movies remember to bring your wallet

I HATE THIS

I am so entirely fed up with being sick. Especially this nagging cold/allergy crap. If I'm gonna be sick I'd rather it be like last week where it was all out fever dizziness upset stomach etc. Since Wednesday afternoon I've had this nagging sinus crap that's fogging up my head more and more every day. Oh and then there's the lovely cough that comes between 9pm and 9am, wonderful conducive to sleeping. Everyday for the past 4 days I wake up and I can barely breathe because I'm stuffed up, or my nose is running like a sieve. I'd rather the runny nose today but no, I get the stuffed up head to such an extent that I can barely think straight and have absolutely no motivation to do anything productive.The only good thing is that my wretched sore throat has passed. I wish I could take my friend up on her offer and just go lay out in the sun or do hw outside. Unfortunately I have a paper to write that's due tomorrow and that necessitates my computer. Seeing as said paper will most likely consume most or all of my afternoon, evening, and night (here's hoping I make it to bed at a decent hour) I can't work outside because there is nowhere to plug in my computer. I would love to be outside on a beautiful day but being outside would probably make my head worse anyhow. Acetaminophen and Sudafed take the edge off the sinus misery but only for so long. I can only take them every four hours but of course they wear off after about two hours. To add to all this, I'm cold. It's something like 68 degrees outside and 75 degrees in my room yet here I sit in a fleece robe, fuzzy socks, and my favorite slippers (which just so happen to be falling apart). I don't think I have a fever, it doesn't really feel like I do. Even if I did, the acetaminophen should knock it down. I hate this so much! I wish I could snap my fingers and make it all go away. I'm concerned about this week. It's the last week of classes, and if this rotten head fogginess keeps up, my concentration levels will be even less than usual, when i need to concentrate more. Joy...*whines* ugh I have no motivation to do my paper or clean my room, both of which are high priorities. My room is a disaster and the paper is due tomorrow. I can't skip my morning classes to finish it because I skipped last week due to being sick. I'm sure my dance teacher loves me for skipping three classes in a row, two because i was sick, which hopefully she's leaning towards as an explanation in her head. I don't generally skip twice in a row, much less three times. *sigh* all I want to do right now is sleep, to escape this miserable cold or allergies or whatever the hell it is. Alas, a messy room and a paper command my attention, however disoriented I may be. Maybe I'll make some tea or hot cocoa. For now, I'm hungry, and need to get going on being one day closer to the end of school.

Peace y'all.

P.S. Common Sense Life Lesson for the week: when you know you're sick, and may be sick for a while, buy more than one box of tissues. Cough syrup and tissues may necessitate a trip to rite aid.

QUADMANIA Review

Sooo last weekend was QUADMANIA, or rather "Parking Lot 17 Mania". UMBC didn't want to mess up the pretty grass in the quad, so the carnival and live music was held in a parking lot on the outskirts of campus. Convenient for my dorm and the two dorms near me, but that's about it. If you didn't know it was going on, you probably would never know. Anywho...I had alot of fun. I had a perfect view of the setup a few days in advance from the window in my room, and I was very excited. On Saturday morning, I woke up to some of the music (nice day so window was open) and got to listen to it as I was straightening the room and getting ready for the day.

The Rides...Some people complained about how the carnival seemed to cater more to the local elementary and middle schools, but I love carnival rides so it didn't matter to me. If you went at night, there were less rugrats and shorter lines for the rides. $10 per day was, in my estimation, a tad pricey but I understand that SEB (the people responsible for the fun times) have costs to pay. The swings were fun, but a tad nauseating after a while. The tilt a whirl was tilting and whirling as one would presume, but there wasn't much cushioning so I got a little beat up. It was still fun, it would whirl you around and you would feel like you were going to fly out into the middle of the carnival full of people. The spaceship ride next to the tilt a whirl was tons of fun. It started out nicely just going around, getting a little bit higher with every rotation, then it picked up speed and used pressurized cables and springs to straighten the rods attached to the spaceship cars (kinda like pinkish purple versions of the Space Mountain ride at Disney World Magic Kingdom) which would throw the cars even higher suddenly. It got going fast enough that I almost lost my sunglasses, and had to take them off while trying to hold on as the ride was spinning around. Woohoo! The ride I went on the most was the parachute ride where it went up and around at an angle at a nice speed and gave you a little dip in your stomach right as it started going down (I can almost feel like I'm on it now :p). I went on that three or four times and had lots of fun.

Finally, the ultimate ride...the Zipper! This was very scary to look at, because it looked like it would break at any moment. Rusty metal cages attached to a long rotating vertical machine that was also rusty. You half stand half sit in this little cage, the only thing holding you in is the support bar attached to the door. If you wanted to live you held on to hand bars attached to the inside of the cage door. When this machine started going, it rotated 180 degrees and brought you up to the top (kinda like a ferris wheel) then would spin around and around. Meanwhile as this machine is flipping, your cage is also flipping. The first time I went on, I was petrified. My friend Caitlyn and I were going on it for the first time together, and she was excited. I was very scared, which is odd, because I love thrill rides/rollercoasters, etc and they rarely scare me. I've been riding rollercoasters and such since I was about 8 years old, props to Daddy for getting me hooked on them early. Maybe it was just the insecurity of the whole thing. So after we got off, I was ok, and then my friend DK finally showed up (after I called and texted him multiple times hassling him to get down there). He wanted to ride it and made me go with him. I had much more fun the second time (although I spent the first few minutes telling him to hold on because I wasn't bringing his dead body back to his girlfriend). After twice around the Zipper on a stomach full of cotton candy and kettle corn, I was a bit disoriented and took a break from rides for a while.

The Music...I saw a number of the performers, and enjoyed most of them, although Dan Deacon's antics were partially responsible for getting my friend thrown out of quadmania. Shoutout to Mother Nature's Recipe! These guys were great!! My friend Ben plays the keyboard and he and the rest of his band members were definitely one of the best acts at the whole weekend. They played a swing number toward the end, during which vocalist Leif came down and started dancing with a girl in the crowd. I had to laugh as I watched my friends Julian and Alli dancing as well. Julian was having fun, and I think Alli was too, but I could tell she was a bit "omg why am i doing this?" about the whole thing. Speaking of dancing, on Friday evening, me and my friend Rachel had tons of fun dancing to the closing act of the evening, a cool rock band. There weren't too many people around by that point so we had some space to just kinda do our own thing.

The Food...cotton candy and kettle corn kept me alive all weekend (temporarily lost my redcard so I spent all my money on carnival food). I couldn't bring myself to pay for the drinks when I had plenty in my room to drink, water, soda, juice, etc. I wanted funnel cake, but the line was always ridiculously long whenever I tried to buy some, and it wasn't worth it.

The Games and other stuff...I tried to win some stuffed animals, the shooting game, the basketball game. They were only three bucks so I figured why not give it a shot. Close but no cigar. Contemplated trying to win a fish, but carnival fish generally have a very short lifespan so I decided I'd get a healthier one over the summer. The trampoline things where you could bouncey bouncey bouncey and do flips were fun!!! Granted I have some bruises from the harness, but still fun. While I was on the trampoline thingy I got to see a step show put on by some fraternities and sororities from the National Pan Hellenic Council. Although the girl who was introducing the students was slightly irritating, it was still a cool show. One of those things I've kinda always wanted to try...till I remember I'm a skinny white girl. Yeah I think I'll stick to my ballet. The two things I didn't get to try was the blow up slide/obstacle course thing and the rock wall. Rachel and I were supposed to do the slide after the TPain concert, but the carnival closed an hour before we were told it would, so that didn't happen. I really wanted to do the rock wall, but refrained. Having dislocated my elbow twice back in January, the ligaments aren't quite strong enough to support that kind of tension/weight yet. Yes you're supposed to use your legs more than your arms, and yes I probably would have been fine with the short 20 foot rockwall, but no use risking it and ruining my weekend (and the next 3 weeks of my life) by injuring it again.

The T-Pain Concert...waste of $15 and two hours of my life. Seriously. Doors opened 20 mins late, show started 2o mins late, the opening act got old after 5 minutes. DJ for 25 mins after the opening act was cool but after a while the general vibe was "bring out T-Pain or someone we came to see please". Finally Jay Lyric and Tay Dizm came out, danced/sang/talked for a bit, and brought out a giant baby blue teddy bear with dreads and a tophat, claiming it was T-Pain's cousin. Shortly after, T-Pain decides to grace us with his presence. If you subtract the opening act, the DJ, the time they all spent talking/walking around the stage doing not much of anything, all the time he spent trying on his 10 different grills (cuz we all just really want to know how rich he is and how much they all cost) and the time T-Pain spent introducing all the people on his record label, he only performed for a grand total of about 40 mins. 40 mins out of 2 hours...NOT WORTH IT! Turns out that due to copyright etc, he couldn't even sing most of the songs all the way through because he only does part of it. The most ridiculous part of the entire thing was when T-Pain and his fellow rappers came strutting out on stage with their pants around their ankles, and boxer briefs showing the world everything we never wanted to see. Then they just had to shake it in our faces because "this is for the ladies". My friends and I examined the floor and each other's makeup during this little interlude. Oh and then T-Pain starts going off on how guys shouldn't act all ashamed to look, because "if you never looked at another guy's, you don't know how small yours is". Yeah...umm...how about no. So T-Pain, being the sensitive guy that he is, decides to do a moment of silence in memory of the VTech shootings. Legit, since the 1yr aniv had been that week. Then he extends it to all the people who are "dying for no reason". He lists examples like other school shootings, 9/11, urban crime, and then starts getting political with the Iraq war and just random "people who are dying". He of course exits the stage with an unoriginal comment on how much George Bush hates black people. I hate when rising celebrities start politicizing and just making random comments with nothing to back them up. Seriously, we didn't come here to hear you mouth off about your opinions on the war and the gov't...we came to see you try to rap/sing. So that was that.

Overall Quadmania was lots of fun. I got a pretty purple flowering plant and two henna tattoos, a purple lei and the beginnings of a tan. Not too much burn, thanks to Rachel H for the sunscreen :). I got to hang out with some really cool people, including a girl who I later discovered was the niece of my highschool history teacher...small world. The hype and my excitement were justified. Haters aside, I love carnivals. I can't wait till the moco fair this August!

Part two: "adventures after the concert" soon to come. Sleep now.

peace y'all.

P.S. Common Sense Life Lesson for the week: don't break in new shoes in bare feet...blisters anyone?

we all do dumb things...and then there's me

I love how just when life seems to be going along nicely and nothing is terribly bothersome, God sends me these little messages or allows me to do really dumb things to humble me and remind me of my own imperfections.

So I was having a lovely Friday night. Went to a campaign meeting, had productive fun times there. After I went and chilled with my apartment friends for a bit. Interesting side note, when I arrived, it was dry outside. Shortly after I got there, it started pouring, seemingly out of nowhere. Right around the time I left, it was slowing to a light sprinkle. Scattered showers I guess. Anywho...left there and went to play pool with some friends from the dorm. After the gameroom closed, we were looking for a bit more entertainment and food. One of the guys randomly decides he wants Smirnoff Ice, and another one wants peach iced tea. So we go riding around at 1230 am on Friday nite/Saturday morning looking for peach tea and an open liquor store. Thanks to Baltimore County's blue laws, this took a bit of time. We finally found a packaged goods store about 5 mins off campus (after driving around for half an hour or so). No smirnoff Ice, so we substitue Mike's hard cranberry lemondade. We go back to the dorm, chill in the room of the guy who's 21, and turns out I'm the only one drinking the Mike's, the other guys are drinking other lovely things as we watch superbad (not my favorite movie, but the ending is good). I had four to be precise. By the time the movie is over it's about 430am, and most of us, myself included are at least tipsy. After I got back to my room, I decided, in my rather tipsy state, that it was a good time to go leave comments on my friend SteelWolf's blog, jokingly referencing a disdain for Greek Life and mistakingly making his VP-nominee the author of a quote I inserted. (background: he's running for SGA pres and really working on getting the Greeks to support him). Little did I realize that this would proceed to blow up in my face, as people then start leaving angry comments on his personal blog and his campaign blog site as well. This I discover at around 330 Saturday nite/Sunday morning. Open mouth (or rather keyboard) and insert foot. I quickly deleted the original comment, and posted a follow up comment on both blog sites explaining that I commented solely in jest, taking responsibility for the seemingly anti-Greek life comment, and apologizing for my comment giving the impression that the SteelWolf campaign did not support Greek Life when in fact they very much do. I also shot off an email to the campaign email address apologizing profusely for the negative backlash caused by my lack of judgement and making it clear (as I did in my follow up blog comments) that although I was not entirely coherent, it was still no excuse for my lack of judgement and insensitive, possibly campaign damaging comments. Yeah...I'm an idiot.I felt horrible and still do. I'm praying that people accept my apology and ruffled feathers are quickly settled.

Other dumbness, but not to the same degree...went to dinner last nite with some friends from College Republicans after our convention. Found out when I got back that I left my phone at the restaurant. Joy. Of course the only way I find out is when my friend tries to call me and my phone is answered by a waiter or maitre'd. He then dropped by my room to tell me that my phone was at the restaurant and kindly offered to drive me up to the Inner Harbor to get my phone back. So that's what I'll be doing after classes tonite. Thankfully it was at the restaurant and not on a street somewhere or in a parking garage.

Well that was my lovely story for the day, time to go to class. Birthday shout outs to my wonderful suitemate Katrina and my friend Rachel W. God Bless girls!

peace y'all

P.S. Common Sense Life Lesson #2 for the week: 430 am and tipsy is not a good time to be posting comments on friends blogs...yeah...

SPRING IS HERE!!!!

I love spring so much!!! Warm weather, short sleeves, sunshine, flowers and trees, waking up to the smell of fresh cut grass...*sigh* yay! Finally finally finally spring is here :) I've had lots of fun over the last couple of weeks getting involved with my friend SteelWolf's campaign for Student Government President. I've learned alot about SGA and what it does and what it has the potential to do. Enough so to get me thinking about running for an SGA position next year. I've also learned how the internet provides a great forum for anonymous haters who won't back up what they say.
It's also baseball season...GO YANKEES!!!!! Life's gonna get crazy soon. Finals are coming up fast, I've got a couple of make or break your grades polisci papers due in the next three weeks (ack!) and I'm trying to figure out scheduling crap for next semester. Gotta love that my dance class is at 830 again ugh.

Got all sorts of ideas goin round in my head for summer...concerts, road trips, parties (my bday party is going to be absolutely amazing), work (yay money!), tanning, clubbing?, warm weather! I can't waaaiiiitttt. Also more time with the family. Miss them. Speaking of good times, next weekend is Quadmania---carnival, rockclimbing, food, T-Pain, a good time to be had by all :) O shoot I gotta make sure my friends have somewhere to stay the night of the concert...hmm gotta work on that.

I feel like writing tonite, so I'll probly edit this sometime in the next couple of days, or just post again, depending on how long it ends up being.

Peace y'all

P.S. Common Sense Life Lesson for the week: When your friend randomly decides he wants Smirnoff Ice at 1230am, be sure you know where to find the nearest open liquor store. Fun times...

this crazy world we call life

Sooo life is interesting no? The days seem to alternate between dragging on and going by too fast. Soon it will be summer...

Calculus is evil evil evil. It doesn't like me. I have an exam in two days. I should be studying. I am missing my original notebook with all my notes from the beginning of the year...not good. I can manage for this test, but if I don't find it by finals then...yikes. Here's hoping I pull off a decent grade on the exam and start understanding or at least memorize enough to get by.

Politics is a dirty business. I love it but it's full of backstabbing and trash talking and mud slinging. Everyone is just peachy until they're against each other competing for a position. Then it gets ugly. I'm not just talking national politics either. One of my friends is running for Student Government President and I'm learning a lot about the Student Government, how it works, what it does for us, and just how nasty people can be. It's interesting to see it all play out from a closer standpoint.

Yay for closure. Hooray for finally being free of emotional entanglements that have haunted me for the past three months. I feel like a huge burden has been removed; I have my life back! I can focus on the future and stop living in the past. The past week has seen me much more content and in overall better spirits.

Despite the wonderful emotional solutions, the physical problems come back to bite me. It's spring so sinus headaches abound. The past couple weeks my headaches have been worse then usual, some bad enough to the point where I skip class. Not so fun. Yay for meds but they only work for so long. I'm praying they ease up or else the rest of this semester will be not so fun. I don't want to have to go to the doctor either.

April fools is a fun day. I tinfoiled my suitemate's mirror and computer...she was so confused. The look on her face was priceless. She still doesn't know it was me, and I'll keep it that way for now :). I also had one of my skater friends believing that the university cops were gonna crack down on the no skateboarding policy and start giving tickets and fines. He was pissed. I was highly amused. I told him April Fools eventually, he was even more pissed. Fun times...

So ironically enough, just when I get free of the emotional entanglements, more options start presenting themselves. This frustrates me. On the one hand it's like why not see what might come of it. On the other hand it's like I finally have the peace and freedom I've been wanting for the past 3 months, though it seems longer. I don't really want to get emotionally attached/involved again so soon. Then there's always the likelihood that I'm completely over thinking things. I tend to do that a lot, too much for my own good. *sigh* at this point I'm just gonna chill out about it. I have bigger things to worry about, such as passing calculus with a C or better.

Anywho on to more internet surfing or piano playing.
Time to make a phone call to the best friend...miss her like crazy :)
Peace y'all

P.S. Common Sense Life Lesson for the week: when using your campus card to pay for the gameroom, make sure you have enough $$ on your card. Fun times

spring break and back to school

So here I am skipping Spanish class once again...yes I know I'm a horrible child. I can only do this so frequently becuaswe it's a pointlessly easy class, despite being a 202 class. I feel bad because I told Maya I would actually go to class today...but it didn't happen. I do need to talk with my profesora at some point today or soon becuase she has yet to respond to my emails regarding making up the midterm. One would think that sending an email to both her email addresses explaining why I missed the exam (sick/fainting) and asking when I could make it up, both emails sent before or during break, would get at least a courtesy response. Then again, she is also very scatterbrained and most likely ADD to some extent.

Spring break review...break was nice, it could have been longer, but I enjoyed it. Monday was my sleep in/lay around/be a bum day. Tuesday was hair and nails and misc errands with mom. Wednesday I tagged along with my brother's field trip to the Smithsonian art museum. I half jokingly commented that I wanted to go, and surpisingly enough, he quickly agreed, inviting me to come along. Not that he payed much attention to me, seeing as his attention was focused mostly on another young lady :p (so cute tho). I love French Impressionist art, and wandering around the art museum trying to navigate closed staircases and cramming 13 people into 5 person elevators was fun. Thursday was shopping with my girl yay :) For the record, the DSW on Democracy ave in Bethesda is amazing! It's two floors! Two floors of shoes! Then to Montgomery mall for a bit, then over to Montgomery College to watch my friend's sisters' softball team scrimmage the MC girls softball. That was cold, but fun. Friday was originally supposed to be art museum with my girl then somewhere to watch the UMBC-Georgetown game. Due to leaving about an hour later than planned, it ended up being her going to the art museum for a bit, while I called my dad to get me directions to the JW Marriott hotel where I could watch the game. She caught up to me later and finished watching the game with me then we went back to her house for dinner and a movie. Enchanted is a very dumb but very cute movie. Saturday was time with the family, then Sunday was EASTER!!! Daddy and I sang in the choir at church per usual and then we had Easter dinner with just our family and Gram (who was in town for the week) which was comical but a very nice way to end the week.

Back to school...seeing as all good things must come to an end, I finished my Easter Sunday by coming back to school (lame...). After much thought and debate, I dropped my Human Genetics class. My interest in the subject was rapidly waning in the face of quizzes and assignments covering material not yet taught, and a professor who taught a non-major class as if it was for majors. This means good things because it's no longer bringing down my GPA, but it also means I'll finish out the semester with only 29 cumulative credits. That means I'll have to take a summer class in order to earn sophmore standing, but I was planning on taking another science class over the summer anyhow to make up for dropping the class. The credit thing just makes it more of a necessity than an option. I also signed myself up for calculus tutoring seeing as calculus and my brain don't seem to want to get along well.
Now that basketball season is over, I'll have to find some other way to occupy my weekends. Saw something about 80's prom this weekend, we'll see if I feel like going to that. I can't believe that I'm 3/4 of the way through the year already. Where does the time go? In 9 weeks I will be done with my first year of college. Ack! Where is my life going?! God is good though, and I have very little worth complaining over. I can't wait until the warm weather is here. Warm sunny days laying out by the pool with country radio and peach iced tea, or frantically rushing around at work trying to keep up with the lunch rush or the dinner rush or the evening beer rush. Or riding around on the beverage cart trying to communicate to this one group of asian golfers that no they can't take 12 beers when they only payed for 8. That's a ways away though. Closer are the days where I'll be able to sit outside and study in the sun, and I'll be complaining because the lecture halls crank the airconditioning to about 50 degrees when its only 70 degrees outside. Flowers and sun and flip flops...come quickly!

Well off to be a good little student and make the best of my week.

Peace y'all

P.S. Common Sense Life Lesson for the week: when posting web links for the use of the general public, make sure they work properly (this I learn from a friend on whose website I caught a couple of bad links :p )

Tales from the America East Championship

UM-BC UM-BC UM-BC 1-2-3 GO BIG DAWGS! WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF! So as most of you know, the UMBC Retrievers clinched the America East Conference championship this past Saturday with an 82-65 win over the Hartford Hawks. It was a sold out game, televised on ESPN2. The RAC was packed full of cheering fans, all waiting to see their Dawgs/Dogs make it to the Big Dance...the NCAA tournament. THEY DID IT!!! What an amazing game.

My day started bright and early. After getting two hours of sleep, I headed over to the RAC at 7am to hang with the pep band as they did two morning news spots courtesy of channel 13 at 7:15 and 7:45. I heard about this news spot via UMBC Underground, which had encouraged people to show up and cheer with the pep band. I showed up, as did five others, including Spirit Czar and True Grit. It was a tad chilly, but it was fun. After those festivities were over, I went to breakfast with some of the pep band (kudos to Jon for inviting me). Have any of you ever ridden in a car with someone who is just learning to drive stick? Thank God for seatbelts! Actually Jon did a pretty good job all things considered. Upon getting back to campus, I quickly consumed my eggs and pancakes, picked my seat (the good thing about getting there early...you get the seat you want), and helped spread Growl Towels throughout the student sections. By this time it's around 930...facepaint time!! A black paw on my left cheek and UMBC in alternating black and gold letters on the right. Props to the girls who were helping me with this...not sure who they are but after a couple of attempts, we got the UMBC worked out.
10am...students are lined up outside the entrance to the court, cheers of "UM-BC!" can be heard, growing ever more enthusiastic as the Retriever fever builds. Once they're let in, the students swarmed the seating areas, everybody figuring out where the different seating sections were, and trying to find their friends. It appeared as though the first 1000 maybe 1500 people in got free tshirts. Let the school spirit commence! Growl Towels and "Go Retrievers" foam sticks were provided. Face paint and body paint abounded, and there was plenty on hand for those who didn't show up painted. I caught up with my friend Caitlyn, painted her face (half gold and half black, with the opposite paw color on each cheek) then we proceeded to paint most of the people around us. It started small, coercing a few people into getting facepaint, but soon people were lining up, all with different requests for painting. I lost track of how many people we painted. As the seats began to fill up, and people were hesitant to leave their seats for fear of losing them, we moved throughout the bleachers on our side of the room, painting faces, arms, hands, etc. Armed with black and gold paint andGrowl Towels for wiping our hands between colors, we spread school spirit. The paws were the most popular, then half and half faces. It was easy to tell the people who hadn't done facepaint before...they were nervous but eager, asking for just something small. Many times they did it because their friends told them to, even though they were hesitant. We reassured them that it would easily wash off with soap and water.

Some students were willing to go all out and paint their whole face to show support for their retrievers, people like Brian D, Caitlyn, and others who came looking for facepaint. Others like myself and Michelle were a bit more conservative, but still joining the fun. Some people asked to get their arms or hands painted, generally under the excuse "I have to go somewhere after this" or "I have to go out tonight". Then there were those who, although sitting in student sections, had the audacity to show up displaying very little school spirit. *cough Brian O, Eric cough* These folks soon they weren't going to get away with that. I quickly demanded they submit themselves to my wonderful facepainting skills, and they wisely acquiesced. The most interesting part of facepainting was when an older gentleman asked me to paint a paw on top of his bald head. It made me laugh when one kid asked us if we were facepainting for free, and then almost kissed me on the cheek when I was done with him, he was so excited. (The kiss was a cultural thing, I'm familiar with it from visiting my friends in Mexico).

Let the games begin! The players were introduced, we cheered for our starting lineup, and the ref tossed the ball. Hartford got possession after tipoff, and made the first shot. We quickly answered with a three pointer, Hartford made another two, and that was the last time they would see themselves in the lead. After the first five minutes, it was clear that UMBC was there to show Hartford how the Retrievers play basketball. For the rest of the game, UMBC's lead never went below nine points. The fans were incredibly excited, cheering our hearts out and killing our voices in support of our Dawgs/Dogs. By the last six minutes of the game, we were shouting "NCAA!" , "Warm up the bus!" and singing "Na-Na-Goodbye" to the Hartford fans. They had been less then enthusiastic throughout most of the game, but I guess when your team is down by an avg of 13 points for most of the game, it's hard to cheer with any real hope.

Around the three minute mark, fans in the bleachers started moving down onto the track and into the lower student section in preparation for rushing the court at game's end. It was obvious that the game was ours, and we were simply playing for kicks and giggles at that point. As the game was ending, and the clock was expiring, the fans started running out onto the court...but wait! There's 0.7 seconds left! Get off the court! I wonder if they did it on purpose...Once the clock officially ran out, we rushed the court and the excitement was uncontainable. They played "Alma Matter" but of course noone knew most of the words, and for some reason they didn't put the lyrics up on the information board. The cheers of the fans so were loud they barely heard the announcer say "Please clear the court" so they could do closing ceremonies. I joined with some of the Mama's Boys in singing "We are the Champions" and spreading it through the crowd. Back up on the track, we watched the Retrievers cut down the net, and cheered as our boys were named allstars.

After the game, I caught up with Ryan and Elise and we talked about how exciting it was that UMBC was going to the NCAA and Maryland wasn't, also what an exciting opportunity it was for the seniors on the team. As everyone cleared out, I grabbed my bags and went outside to soak up the sun. Hey look, the pep band has CD's on sale. I'd been meaning to get one for a while, but wait, I don't have any $$ on me. Time to run down to the commons and hit up the ATM. After asking a nice older lady with a Hartford shirt on to watch my stuff, I went down to the commons and flashed a cute smile to gain entrance (only VIPs for the reception were supposed to be going in and out). I let a couple other kids in behind me who were looking to get into the bookstore, ran up to the ATM, then went back over to the RAC and picked up my copy of the Down and Dirty Dawg Band's first CD, then thanked the Hartford lady for watching my bags. I put the CD away, called my dad to tell him where he would find me when he picked me up, and then draped myself across my bags. Towel over my eyes, I relaxed and dozed in the sun until it was time to go home.

Back home I said hi to the family, got cleaned up (I looked like hell by this point, having barely slept all week, much less the night before) and flopped down on my queen sized bed for a much needed nap. I finished out the evening by going out for dinner and a movie with my brother who I hadn't seen or talked to in about a month. We bumped into a friend of mine who goes to Maryland and quickly exercised bragging rights. After getting home and falling into bed exhausted from all the adventures of the day ( I was running on adrenaline all day), I woke up the next morning very pleased to discover my parents had opted to go to the later service at church, partially for my sake.

WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!! Watch for us Friday as we play American University in round one of the NCAA at 230pm EST. LET'S GO RETRIEVERS!!!

peace y'all

P.S. Common Sense Life Lesson for the week: When there's only a limited amount of cheaper tix for the game, get them the first day they go on sale. Don't wait a day and a half only to find out you now have to pay for the more expensive tix because all the cheap ones are sold out.

up all night?

soooo i'm sitting in the library, campus is basically deserted for two reasons...1) it's friday night 2) it's the weekend before spring break. I got kicked out of my dorm at 8pm...so why am i still here? I stayed on campus because I am going to cheer on our guys basketball team as they play in the America East Championship and take a shot at going to the NCAA. I had a few options lined up for where to stay on campus tonite, buuuut they all fell through. Joy. At this point, I'm either A) pulling an all nighter in the library or B) sleeping on a bench in the library. I pulled a couple of last resort options--texted a friend who may or may not be on/near campus and may or may not be sober but would let me crash at his place if he's around. I messaged a girl who had commented on one of the student blog sites about offering a place for people to stay if they needed it. I'm not expecting a reply from either, but it would be nice if I did hear back from one of them. Argh I'm tired, which means that unless I get a reply, I'm most likely crashing in the library. Ah well, I have to be at the arena by 7ish anyway, so no matter what I'm not getting much sleep. This will be an interesting night...I'll be sure to post the results of the game (ESPN2 at 12pm EST) and my sleep or lack thereof tomorrow (well technically later today) or Sunday. I may try to stay up all nite, seeing as there's still some sketchy people around here...

ramblings

So here I sit listening to my country music, thinking about the things I should be doing, and wondering what, if anything, I'll be doing later tonight. I have this lovely chunk of time between classes, and I have a very busy weekend coming up, so one would think I would read my supreme court cases or do my calc homework. Instead, I'm killing time on the internet, per usual. Ah well, I'll do something productive in a little while. Meanwhile, I've come to the conclusion recently that I really do like my life. Maybe it's the spring fever getting to my head, but I really do have a good life. When I'm not getting caught up in everything there is to do, or letting people get to me, I enjoy my life and I am grateful for it. Yes some things about my school annoy me and everyone else on campus, and yes I always have lots of work to do, but I have the privilege of going to school, when some people don't. Plus I set up my schedule knowing I'd be busy so no right to complain there.

Not much going on lately, staying busy with schoolwork, figuring out how to maintain some semblance of a social life (which usually translates to playing pool with my boys), looking forward to spring break. Gotta get through exams...speaking of which, my spanish profesora is...interesting. She's scatterbrained, ADD, contradicts herself, and has changed the date of our exam 4 times in the past 2 weeks. Currently its still scheduled for the last class before break. If she changes it to after break, I will be very unhappy. I don't want to study over break, I don't want to have to come back from break and first week back have to take an exam.

Political thoughts...friends of mine went down to the state capitol to testify/protest against a bill that would extend instate college tuition to anyone who graduated from a state high school, regardless of citizenship status. I wanted to go, but had an exam that day...boo. To use some internet phrasing I've picked up since being at school, this bill=epic fail. Seriously, there's a limited amount of instate tuition for legal residents already, do we want illegals to be able to get some of that, thus leaving less for the rest of us? Do I want my taxes paying for someone to go to school who doesn't pay taxes, and just lives here mooching off the rest of us? I think not. Stop coddling the illegals!! If they want to get the benefits of living in the US, they can damn well get off their butts and become taxpaying citizens. Don't whine about the children being brought here by their parents and thus it's not their fault. If they're going to college, they're old enough to know they're not supposed to be here, and they can take responsibility for their own citizenship. I emailed every single legislator on the committee that would hear the bill and told them in no uncertain terms not to vote for the bill. The legislators sponsoring this bill need to grow a spine and stop helping people circumvent federal laws.

Muscial thoughts...I need to get more classical music for studying. I have a bit on my ipod, but alot of it is not instrumental, and when I'm listening to classical music, it's cause I don't want words. I'm going home for a few hours this weekend, if I remember I should try and grab some of my parents CD's and put them on my ipod. *Thinking* there's the Bach CD that used to start playing Tocatta and Fugue at 2Am when we forgot to turn off the CD player...that was always an interesting to wake up. There's also the instrumental hymns we got Daddy for Christmas...Always like more old hymns. I've come to the recent conclusion that I cannot live without music, especially country music. I get antsy if I'm anywhere besides class without music for any extended period of time.

Girly thoughts...went to the mall last week with a friend and did some spring preview shopping. I need $$ or some really good spring sales, cuz there's alot of stuff I want :). My spring wardrobe needs updating...yay gift cards. I could also use some spring shoes. I've gotten addicted to flats recently. I used to do heels all the time, but walking around campus doesn't treat heels all that nicely, especially if you go off the sidewalks at all. Flats last alot longer, are a bit more versatile (dress them up or down, they look cute with just about anything), and are usually cheaper. Acrylic nails are wonderful...they're extremely low maintenance, and they look good 24/7, and they last longer than a standard manicure, and they're easier to fix. Hair needs highlighting...but of course this can only be done at 2am hair parties, after a midnite grocery run. I'll have to look into arranging that. Speaking of groceries, I'm hungry...but that's pretty much a constant state of being for me. I love my metabolism but sometimes...

Random thoughts...a friend of mine recently parted ways with a girl he'd been seeing for a while (or so it seems, facebook tells all...). I know he cared about her alot, and I'm slightly worried he's trying to put it behind him too soon. I understand wanting to get over it and move on with life, but when you experience loss on any level, it's important to let yourself grieve, and let yourself be upset. Take a day or two and be depressed, be pissed at the world, be emo, whatever helps you. Part of healing is grieving. I was talking to my parents about this in the fall when my great grandmother went home to Jesus. She was my dad's grandmother, and had alot of influence on him growing up, and as I was unable to be home before the memorial service, I told my mom to make sure that Daddy took time for himself to let himself grieve. He was quickly getting caught up in everything that had to be done with making arrangements and helping my grandmother process all that needed to be done and dealt with, and I knew that if he didn't take time to let himself be upset, he would never be fully better. It's a similar thing with my friend. I know this is hurting him, and I hope he takes time to accept the loss so he can get on with his life.

On a lighter note...Spring is in the air, yay! The past few days have been really nice outside. It's not quite spring yet but it's getting there. It was raining the other night, and one of my friends commented how if it were snow, we would be accumulating quite a bit, and wouldn't that be cool. We then agreed that yeah that'd be nice, but we'll take the warm weather over the cold now. Besides, I like rain. I went walking around the "loop" that is the main road on campus, and by the time I got back I was thoroughly soaked, and probably did some damage to my ipod headphones (technology and water don't get along too well). It was fun though. It was earlier in the evening than I usually go for my walks, so there were still alot of cars going around, probably wondering why the heck I was voluntarily subjecting myself to the weather. Irony: listening to "Walking on Sunshine" while walking in the rain :)

I've always had a bit of a mischievous streak, and I like messing with people. Currently, a friend of mine from highschool, Angel, is trying to figure out who this blog belongs to. I of course am being very mean and just leaving little hints instead of telling him who this is. There's two rather large hints in this post, so maybe that'll help him out.

Uhoh class time so that's all for now.
Peace y'all

P.S. Common Sense Life Lesson for the week: If you're going to pay $40 to get your nails done, make sure they do a good job of it.

How are you?

So the title of this post is something that you hear alot. You pass someone you know on the way to class, or you stop briefly to chat with a friend you haven't talked to in a little while. This is a generic question, one that, for me at least, is not often answered with complete honesty. Often it's simply because things are generally ok and I don't have the time to stop and explain every detail of my life's activities. Other times it's that I don't know the person well enough to feel inclined to describe how things are going. Many times it's that I'm not sure myself what to make of my life. Sometimes I feel bad talking with someone I don't know particularly well or haven't talked to in a bit and having nothing to say outside of "How are you? How are your classes?" I've realized recently that taking time to ask more specific questions can help people feel like you genuinely care about them and their well being. So the next time someone says "Hey, how are you?" and I'm not rushing off to class, I'm going to take a minute and say something beyond "Fine", "Good", or "okay, tired, busy".

The busted elbow is getting much better, it seems I didn't do nearly as much damage the second time around. Sling use has been relegated to sleep time, which isn't a major inconvenience. I acutally don't mind, because often by the end of a busy day, my arm is tired and needs the rest and the support. According to my friend's father who is a doctor, the ligaments take six weeks to fully heal, and I'm sure two dislocations in one month doesn't aid that any.

School is going to be very very busy this semester. I am taking six classes, 19 credits total, 17 of which are academic. I like the work and the classes so I'm more motivated to do my work (which is what I'm supposed to be doing right now). I enjoy being busy, and so long as I stay on top of the work, stress should be minimal and the workload not terribly difficult.

This past week was very eventful and interesting, in several ways. I have discovered/reaffirmed something I knew but didn't know: I have some amazing friends. I am reminded of the Tracy Lawrence song "Find Out Who Your Friends Are". The song talks about how when your life is going well, you have alot of friends, and alot of people who say they care about you and will help you if ever you need it. It goes on to say that when your life sucks, and you fall flat on your face, that's when you find out who really is your friend. It's the people who are there helping you up when you do something really dumb, when they could easily have left you to your own devices and the consequences of your actions.

This past Wednesday evening, I was with a group of people at a small party/get together we were having in the interest of getting everyone together before work and school and social commitments took everyone their separate ways. I decided it would be a good idea to consume what amounted to about 7 shots of Vodka and Cointreau over the course of about 25-30mins. BAD BAD BAD IDEA!! My body mass does not tolerate that high of a concentration in such a short period of time. This I discovered very quickly. Once I got about halfway through the second martini, I started to realize what I had done. For the next hour or so, three of my friends were taking care of me, talking to me, cleaning me up, and doing their best to keep me from the prying eyes of the rest of the group. Thinking back, I can only imagine what a sight I must have been. Words cannot express my gratitude for the three guys who proved their friendship and took care of me when they would, I'm sure, have much rather been enjoying themselves with the rest of the party. I don't know if I will ever have an opportunity to show them a kindness on a similar level, but I will forever be indebted to them for taking care of me. <3 those guys so much!

On a lighter note, this week should prove to be entertaining and interesting, as classes get into full swing. As school gets busier, it'll mean my social life simplifies, which will be nice. Yesterday I had the opportunity to attend part of CPAC (Conservative Political Action Conference) and see the movie "Cloverfield". CPAC was lots of fun, very interesting speakers and panels. For anyone familiar with the Washington D.C. metro system, the green line is not a place you want to be after dark. "Cloverfield" was not worth $8.50 of my money. It wasn't a terrible movie, but it wasn't all that great either. It was a mildly interesting way to kill and hour and half. I recommend either seeing it at a time with a discounted rate, or waiting until it comes out on DVD, or catching it at some small town theatre that only charges a few dollars for a movie. I know at a Loewe's theatre near my family's house, they only charge $5 for any movie you see on Sunday mornings before 12pm. My friends and I did this after church one day and got a great movie for a good price. More money for popcorn :)

So that's pretty much it for now. Now to go make something of my day and actually get some work done.
Peace y'all

P.S. Common Sense Life Lesson for the week: Don't ask your friend for directions to the nearest train station when they have been drinking, even if they swear they're just buzzed. This will result in wandering around the city for a good hour or so, until you wind up in a not so great area of town.

follow up on "a time to mourn"

updates:
Heath Ledger: call me an absolute sap, but what I will miss the most about Heath Ledger is his adorable smile. It was one of those where you just can't help but smile too. Investigations are pointing more towards his death being accidental, which is not surprising, considering that some of the prescriptions given him carry a side effect of breathing issues that can be dangerous when you fall asleep. He may very well have gone to sleep and never woken up. Sad...

my arm: went to the doctor on weds, he didn't say a word about physical therapy, praise Jesus! I was thrilled. He wants me to still wear the sling sometimes for another two weeks, so that'll be when i'm around my room and such. walking around to classes etc is dificil with only one usable arm. Speaking of classes...

school: classes resume monday, it will be good to be back. I'm looking forward to almost all my classes, and not particularly dreading any of them. Now I just need my books to arrive.

politics: Thompson and Kucinich have dropped out, narrowing the field on both sides. The democrats are spouting "change" without any real plan to make it happen and the republicans can't find one candidate who embodies all their values. I love politics...(sarcasm but in truth I really do love politics)

my life: I really do like my life. It has its ups and downs and frustrations which havn't been solved but I really do have a great life. God is good.

peace y'all

P.S. Common Sense Life Lesson #2 for the week: driving 48 mph past a speed camera in a 35 mph zone will cost you $40 in these parts of town. I learned this from my parents today :)

A time to mourn

Well today (or yesterday by this time) was a sad day. It was the 35th anniversary of the Supreme Court's decision in the Roe vs. Wade case to allow the deaths of millions of unborn children. Since January 22, 1973, 48 million unborn babies have been aborted, their lives casually tossed aside and ended with hardly a second thought. This my friends is murder. No matter your political position, this is beyond politics. Abortion is murder. Life begins at conception. As much as Ron Paul may be a nut job, I think he summed it up well when addressing the pro-life rally today in Washington D.C. "When I was in medical school, I was taught that when I am treating a pregnant woman, I am dealing with two lives, that of the mother and her child." Women are being lied to everyday, and being told that abortion is their best option when in reality it's not. Today in America, the notion of slavery is unthinkable. 150 years ago, it was the hot button issue in the political world. I pray that it does not take 100 years to overturn this genocide that is a blot on our nation today. I pray that America's leaders would have courage to stand up and fight for justice for those who cannot speak for themselves. I pray that each and every state in the United States of America would not only continue to uphold partial birth abortion laws, but completely outlaw any and all forms of this genocide that has infected our nation. When I get taxes taken out of my paycheck, it makes me sick to think that some of those taxes are going to support organizations like Planned Parenthood. We need to stand up and educate the world. A fetus is not just a blob of tissue, or an undefinable mass of cells. It is a living human being from the moment it is conceived. We as a younger generation need to stand up and take responsibility. We need to stop letting the feminists and morally liberal activists tell a woman that she has the "right" to discard another human life. Like slavery today, abortion should be unthinkable, beyond a political debate. It is murder. Since 1973, 48 million children have been denied their constitutional right to Life. We make such a big deal over what, if any, constitutional benefits should be allowed to illegal immigrants, while everyday thousands of children don't even have a chance to take their first constitutionally protected breath. It sickens me that a country which prides itself on equality and justice everyday denies life to thousands of potential citizens, simply because they are an inconvenience to someone. I'll be damned if I let this continue without a fight. Today in our nation's captial, 400,000 people from around the continental US came to rally, walk, chant, and sing, and show the world that we're not giving up until something is done to reverse this awful tradgedy.

On the evening news, the pro-life rally and march got a total of maybe 15 seconds mention. The death of actor Heath Ledger got a full 3 minutes. Now I am mourning this loss as much as any other female age 14-30 around the world. However, it says something about our nation's priorities when the death of a superstar gets featured all over the cable tv and a rally for the lives of the innocent is touched on as an obligatory side note. God have mercy on our nation.

Now if you all will excuse me, I need to go download (yay ruckus) A Knight's Tale, 10 Things I Hate About You, The Patriot, possibly Brokeback Mountain (not sure I can stomach that one, but I may try) and sit and wait for this summer's premiere of the new batman movie. I think Heath Ledger's untimely death further proves that celebrities should not be allowed to have pills unless they are administered in the proper dosage by a doctor. *Sigh* of all people to die, why Heath Ledger? Why so young? What a waste of talent, potential, and good looks. Hollywood will not be the same without him.

In closing, I'm still praying for patience, and an attention span. I need to get back to school so I have something on which to foucus my mind. The elbow area has healed quite nicely so far, I have at least 90% of my total range of motion back just since last monday and it gets better every day, praise God. I go to the doctor tomorrow, hopefully he'll have good news for me.

Peace y'all

P. S. Common Sense Life Lesson for the week: running on icy 5 day old snow in shoes with no traction is a recipe for disaster, or at least a good bruise.

winter break and other such stories

contemplations on patience...
I love irony. I love finding it in everyday life, and observing it in others' lives. It's one of my simple amusements. Recently I came across a rather glaring point of irony in my own life, though not so amusing. It had to do with patience, my constant preaching thereon, and my general lack thereof. I often find myself telling my friends to "just be patient", or what my best friend usually hears, "patience is a virtue". Yet I have discovered that despite my own frustrations with the general impatience of the "I want it now" generation, I myself often succumb to the same impatience. Now I'm generally not your openly rebellious type. I prefer to find subtler, more creative ways to flout the system. (note: the term "sparkling water" can be applied to a variety of clear liquids generally prohibited in the high school hallways) However, I also happen to have a very independent streak about me. Granted I'm not afraid to ask for help if I really need it, but I'll do my damndest to accomplish it on my own before I even consider asking for help. Recently, my physical independence has been challenged with the onset of a dislocated elbow. Being confined to a splint and sling for three days nearly drove me crazy, as did having to get help with basic tasks like cutting food, washing my hair, and any buttons that came above my stomach. God, when I asked for help with patience, this wasn't exactly what I had in mind. On the plus side, I progressed rather well in learning to type with one hand. Today was my first full day without the splint, although I am still supposed to keep my arm in the sling for most of the day and exercise it within the sling. I am exceedingly grateful that so far, it has healed very well and I have about 70% of my range of motion back. Now, if I obey the doctor, and keep it in the sling for the next two weeks (blah) I will greatly decrease my likelihood of needing physical therapy. Needless to say, PT is time consuming and expensive, I have no way to get there (unless I want to take a public bus through the inner city around school...not so much) and my parents and I are not the least bit interested in fighting with the insurance company. Back to my original point: I'm still confined to the sling, and even if I'm being bad and taking it out of the sling, I still don't have all my range of motion back. I am still confronted with those uncomfortable, oft painful moments of "ohhhhh wow my arm does not bend that way just yet". So I'm once again forced to be patient. God works in mysterious ways...

Another exercise in patience is people.

• The people at work, who show up five minutes before their scheduled time slot, order non precooked food, and then get upset because you are not filling their order fast enough. Why don't you bloody well try showing up before your time slot, or if you really insist on showing up at the last minute, don't order food that takes 10 minutes to cook and then act like we're at fault for not being quick enough to fill your order or print your ticket.
  
• The part time employee who decides that they are the special exception to the "you close, you clean and restock" rule. Which then doubles my work because little miss sunshine decided to go home early and skip the last few chores at work. A pox upon you!

• Friends who don't act like friends, and seem to think that they can go on about their merry lives without a care while you sit around wondering what the hell is going on. Meanwhile you're left to stew, torn between a) wanting to hunt them down and elaborate quite fiercely on just what you think of their behaviour, b) sitting around hoping and praying it's just a phase, and it will all work itself out in time, or c) throwing your hands up and saying "to devil with you" and walking away, shaking the dirt from your shoes as you do. granted those who started that trend had more justification for it than I do, but it was for similar reasons.

Question: (which bear is better?) Why is it that none of the above options seem to work for me? Answer: (not black bears) becuase a) will only make matters worse, b) seems to be unfair in the sense that the opposing party is therefore stripped of any accountability, and I'm slowly stripped of my patience, and c) is just plain impossible for me to do. I can't walk away from someone who was once and hopefully still is a good friend. That's another one of my problems, I care about people too much. Some would argue that this is a good quality, but it often leads to frustration. Although option a) is very tempting, I know it won't help anything, but a twist on it may: polite confrontation. There comes a time when even I have to establish that I'm done being nice, and done sitting idly by hoping things will work themselves out. Time for me to say "let's talk about this, and establish what friendship means".

Contemplations on varying emotional responses: I've often discovered that frustration and anger, when directed at people, are often a result and/or a cover for hurt. We get angry and frustrated with people when they fail to meet our expectations. The more justified we feel these expectations are, the stronger our frustrations and anger tend to grow. If we're fortunate, we have a healthy outlet for this frustration and anger (mine is writing, can you tell?) and it dissipates, if only temporarily. What remains after you finish venting to your teddybear, or your journal, or your best friend, or the air? Heartache, to some degree. The pain of knowing someone you care about has let you down. Most of the time, getting hurt is a choice. If you let someone hurt you, that then gives them the upper hand. Everytime you care about someone, and let them be a part of your life, you take the chance that they will hurt you, because we are all human, and ultimately fail each other at some point or another. Yet it's no use trying to live your life keeping everyone at a safe distance. Trust me, I've tried it. Face it: we need others in our lives, even if it's only a select few. Getting hurt is a part of life, because we live in a fallen world. I have a friend who laugh and point out my cynicism here, but it's reality. So what then? Live with the ever repeating cycle of hurt-frustration-anger-venting-hurt? For many people, yes. As for me, I've learned that this is not healthy or productive. As difficult as it may seem, the best option is to forgive and move on. Clear the air, if at all possible, and resolve any misunderstandings. Forgiveness is not easy. Forgiveness does not mean it hurts any less. Forgiveness does not mean everything is all of the sudden forgotten. Forgiveness means moving beyond the frustration and anger, not going through life staying mad at someone. The hurt may lessen with time, or it may always be there. Ultimately the choice is ours: to use energy and thoughts holding on to anger and frustration, or to let go, and move on. As for me, I've found that there's much more peace in my life when I choose to ask God to help me forgive.

After all that deep, pyschological, emotional crap, I'll wrap up with a movie recommendation.
"Music and Lyrics" : Hugh Grant, Drew Barrymore. Chick Flick. Romantic Comedy. Predictable, but not boring. Entertaining. Cute. Moral of the story: all teenage girls are romantics at heart, even if they are sex-obsessed, philosophically confused pop stars.

In closing: Don't stop believing, there's always something more :)
peace y'all...

P.S. Common Sense Life Lesson for the week: make sure your hands are thoroughly cleansed of powdered cleaning chemicals before attempting to lick the soup off your fingers.

it's one of those days...

Disclaimer...this post is gonna be me bitching about the crap in my life. If you don't want to read a downer post, don't read this.
So I just found out my best friend and I don't have aligning spring breaks. which sucks bigtime. why? because number one our schools are a thousand miles apart as it is. number two, her family is moving 5 states away from our hometown come summer. Neither of us is too excited about the prospect of not seeing each other until after school lets out. That's four and a half months from now and we've never been apart that long. Not cool. Now I get to totally reconfigure my plans for spring break. Damnit.
The weather outside is gorgeous and feels more like may than January. I should be enjoying it, but all I can think about is how its not helping any of the nearby ski venues make snow. I want to go skiing and I want snow! It's the middle of freaking January! arrrggh. Well maybe the freakish weather will bring more people to work so I can have something to do instead of getting paid to stand around and do absolutely nothing.
I don't go back to school for another three weeks but I'm already bored being home. Yes I love my family and the relaxing pace of being home and having my own room and bathroom. Unfourtunately, my siblings are back in school, my dad is back to work and my mom has resumed her daily schedule. So that leaves me to beg my friends to get me out of the house on the days I'm not working. Thank God for work otherwise I'd probably go stir crazy.
As I write this I'm laying on my wonderful queen sized bed listening to country radio. Even country music is grating on me somewhat, due to my rather pissy mood. Sadness...country is my favourite.
On a brighter note...I had the oppourtunity to see Trans Siberian Orchestra in concert last night. I love seeing them live, their shows are always spectacular. This one was definitely worth the money, which wasn't overly expensive considering the quality seating position I managed to obtain. Another plus in my trying-not-to-waste-a-good-day-bitching life is that I obtained clearance for a dance class next semester that I had really been hoping to get. Clearance also obtained with very little redtape, unusual for my school.
Well I'm going to go try and make the best of what remains of my day by indulging in some comfort food and seeing if I can't get out of the house tonite. Maybe I'll even go read a book in the sunshine and escape to someone else's world and problems. Peace y'all...

P.S. Common sense life lesson for the week: don't put your belongings on the floor at a concert when the people surrounding you are eagerly consuming cheap beer. French Designer purse+cheap beer+dirty arena floor=not good! *Sigh*